Fear masquerading as perfectionism

It can be freeing to admit that we don’t know what we don’t know.  And a joy to be able to say wow, I would have never considered this or that, or her…but this could be awesome. Blessed are those that can appreciate the perfectly, imperfect majesty unfolding right before their eyes.  I mean really explore, consider and maybe even embrace it. 

It is easy to hide behind self-imposed restrictions and requirements. On the surface they can make us appear self aware, judicious and determined.  But they shouldn’t be the only measure of goodness or we will miss out on the gifts of imperfection that are around us each and everyday.  What do I mean exactly? Ponder the following:

·      Do you have lengthy, non-negotiable list of characteristics for your future partner or friends?

·      Must you be able to do – in your sleep – the requirements for any new job or opportunity before you will even consider it?

·      Are you particularly critical of others attempts at something new, different or influential?

·      Does it totally freak you out to move outside of your comfort zone?

I offer no judgment or critique of your answers. Just for you to consider the following if you answered yes to any of the above questions:

·      How many people have you met that were made to your exact specifications?

·      Where is the excitement and thrill in doing the same thing over, and over, and over again or being type cast into a convenient box?

·      If you could do better why not raise your hand or better yet, lend a hand or advice to someone that is trying?

·      How fulfilling is it to remain in a constant state of comfort?

I have done more than ponder these questions. I have experienced each one of them at one point or another.  And I so appreciate the people in my life that stretch me, encourage me, provide wise counsel, especially the people that see or think of me in ways that I do not fully see or think of myself yet.  The one thing I know is that I have been groomed and I too groom.  I see potential in someone or something and I think about what I bring to the situation.  Can I add value, make it better? Am I needed here, can I learn something new without debasing the opportunity or myself? Fear is always a factor, but experience has taught me the difference between butterflies and imminent danger.

Is fear masquerading as perfectionism in your life? Are self-imposed restrictions serving you well and bringing you joy and satisfaction?  Or are they limiting you in major ways?

The Structure and Rythm of Living - Supportive Routines

In the eloquent words of Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino from MTV's Jersey Shore “Gym, Tan, Laundry.  It’s the process of staying fresh and mint. Watching my boys watch this show, that reference stood out to me as stroke of brilliance.  This kid has a super simple routine that supports his version of success.

I have spent the last few months trying on routines that will be critical to helping me achieve my personal and professional goals. I think we all know how easy it is to set goals only to be disappointed when we fall short or worse, lose sight of it all together because of crisis or one distraction or another.  I’m pretty sure I could write a best seller on that topic alone. Unfortunately that would not be the best use of my time and talents and would represent perhaps my hundredth distraction in my journey. 

At this very moment I am clear on one thing.  If I do not adhere to certain routines, things begin to fall apart very quickly. Then come the welcomed distractions that support the falling a part of things.  I have danced this dance and rode this ride more times than I care to remember.  What’s different now is that I have some perspective. And perspective is everything.  I see how my past routines and habits have served me over the last few years. The good news is, it has not been a total shit show.  I have experienced professional and personal success.  But I don’t want to hide behind good when I know a little more effort; connection and collaboration could result in something great. 

For me the game changer has been this: All my routines and any new habits I pick up have to play to my strengths AND support a personal and/or professional goal.  No exceptions.  Mind blowing, right? Okay not exactly, but stay with me for a sec. I subscribe to the 80/20 rule in terms of playing to my strengths and working on my weaknesses.  When I am firing on all cylinders, my routines are supporting my actions. I feel connected and collaborative and at the end of the day very accomplished. 

When I sacrifice routines to accommodate a new schedule, a difficult relationship or any other external factor, things almost always go sideways and I find myself second guessing every action and decision I made as a result. Then I find my mind swirling with thoughts on what I perceive to be “misses” far longer than what is healthy and productive. 

You can never go wrong with honoring what works for you and coming into a situation centered and prepared vs. anxious and unsettled. There has been a lot of discourse around this topic and rightfully so, if we can hone the routine, processes and structures that will ultimately support our success we will see immediate fruit.  And that is good news for a not so disciplined, anti-structure, go with the flow, Bo-ho chic like me.  And you too!

Do you have a routine or a habit that does not support your success?   

What is stopping you from tweaking it so it supports you or letting it go altogether?